It seems stupid- boy clothes (miscarriage)

I know its stupid.... but with my due date coming up I remember being told how I better hope that I don't have a girl since I favored blue. Blue happens to be my favorite color, but with girls I'm a fan of headbands and accessories. Although it's just colors, so does it really even matter?

Anyway, I had the bad thought late night now... that maybe our girl never came to be in our arms because i was so sure of her being a boy. As well as these comments that were said in jest but now stake my heart.

I can't help but think I caused it somehow and this just seems like another hint at that.