Marriage help

As I write this I’m aware I’ll probably get some backlash but I’ve got no one to confide in, so will post here anonymously.

I’ve felt distant from my husband for months. We had a baby in August, I’ve spoken to him several times about him being distant, being lonely, missing his attention and adult conversations. He’s brushed it off saying it’s me, I should be focusing on the baby. Which I am! But sometimes I just crave attention off him.

His usual routine is go to work by 8am, home by 5.30. Spend time with baby until 8.30/9pm/ have food and chill out. 9pm go down the garage for a spliff and come to bed 10/10.30pm. By this time I’ve settled the baby in bed. He literally comes to bed, rolls over and goes to sleep

This is his constant routine. I’ve tried and tried to talk about it so many times, it just ends up in a row every single week.

Things did get better for a little bit, we’ve still been having sex but only when he’s in the mood.

We went away in November for 2 nights. he didn’t sleep in the same bed as me when we were away, we had a night out in December (works parties) they were both in similar location so booked a hotel as a treat. He got pissed and kicked me out of the room for no explanation at all and cried to me the next day all apologetic.

He has been acting strange and distant.

I know I shouldn’t of done it but I checked his phone, I’ve done it a few times recently because I know he’s hiding something.

So I found porn history, asmr I think it’s called with women whispering, soundgasm and chaturbate in his history.

I’ve tried my best to confront him, he’s just angry I snooped and his defence is every man watches porn, I don’t see the problem.

My problem is he’s been hiding it. He’s got new sexual interests and instead of sharing them with me he’s been finding new ways to please himself.

This makes me question what will he do next when he’s bored of the above?

Why has he kept it a secret?

Is he doing this because he doesn’t find me attractive? Am I not meeting his needs? Is it because I’ve gained weight or let myself go? I don’t know but he won’t talk about it and it’s eating me up so much. It’s making me feel worthless.

People may think I’m overreacting reading this but we’ve been together nearly 10 years and when you think you know someone inside out it hurts to find out he’s kept things from me.

Peoples opinions are welcome. I just don’t know what to do anymore