...and I was and have been ok with that. Im 30 and we've been TTC for our first baby. The process has been a little frustrating, but mostly fun.

But now three of my best friends are pregnant, two of which were completely by accident. In fact, when one found out, it was during her birthday party weekend and she just kept smoking and drinking as if she hadn't just learned she had conceived after being told she would never be able to. That stung after getting another BFN that week.

Of course I'm happy for her. I'm happy for all three of my girls. But I've been off the pill for over a year and actively tracking cycles/OPKing for 4 months, and I'm starting to obsess in a way that doesn't feel good.

I hate that I have pangs of jealousy as they trade ultrasound pics on our group text each week. I hate that I cry every time. I hate that husband can't say anything to make me feel better and I'm sick of being told not to stress.

I don't know if anyone will read this, but I'm pouring myself a glass of wine, cramping like hell because AF showed up again (late) yesterday, and sulking. So I figured a vent was in order, because I feel like I have no one to talk to.

This. Fucking. Sucks.