I am not okay. 😶

I just need somewhere to rent and let it all out and I’m hoping this is the place for it.

I am struggling.

I feel like I cannot come out and say this to friends and family, but I have dropped many very obvious hints, I have spoken about how tired, lonely and fed up I am. But everyone just seems to brush it off like ‘hormones after birth’

My baby is now 5 months old. I love him so much. Him and his big brother are my whole world. But my god it’s hard.

He’s stopped sleeping since his last immunisations 5 weeks ago. I’ve not had more than 4 hours sleep a night. My mum lives away and friends work and have their own lives.

My husband works shifts and is out 12 hours either day or night.

I am keeping on top of things but I just don’t feel myself.

I sit on the couch all day wishing I had something to do with my life. Wishing I had a hobby or was good at something. Wishing I could start a new career.

Feeding the baby, changing the baby, getting him to nap. Then sitting again, in silence, on my own.

I’ve definitely cried more the last few weeks than I have the last few years.

I feel like I’m the worst mum in the world because he’s not sleeping and he’s upset but nothing I do can help him.

Why can’t I help my own baby at night time?

I was very down during the last part of my pregnancy and hoped when he was here I’d feel better. But some days are just hard.

I never get replies on here, and not expecting any. I just wanted to let it all out before I go about my day again.

Hopefully today’s a better day. 🖤