Strong maternal instincts or hover parent?

Question

I am 7 months postpartum to a beautiful baby girl. I am a stay at home mom. She is our first baby. 
My fiance works 40+ hours a week and is an amazing man and father. A really involved dad.
Lately, he has brought to my attention that I seem to be developing into a helicopter parent. When Shae (our baby) cries or fusses I can tell almost instantly what she needs because we spend all day together. She doesn't take a bottle. We have tried, but instead, just chews on the nipple. Because of this, if it isn't something simple he can fix (diaper, baby food, play) then I usually jump in to comfort. 
Lately though, he has been expressing that I should allow him to try to comfort her instead of always taking over. I agree this is a great idea, but nursing is a big comfort for her. I still haven't figured out how to put her to sleep without nursing either. It calms her down so quickly. This girl is all about the boob. Would nurse all day if I let her.
I want to get to the point where he is also viewed as a comforting source for her. I currently am the one to always put the to bed and have never left her alone with him or anyone more than two times for very short periods.
How do I help aid in him taking over without losing my mind? The guilt and anxiety that I get hearing her cry for me eats me up inside. I know I am the problem. I want this for him and for her, but I feel my hormones, instincts and guilt are in control right now. I know I have some form of postpartum depression, though I'm not sure how much that is having an impact.
Advice?

Answer

No no no. You're doing exactly what you need to do! You don't sound like you're obsessing, you sound like you're learning your baby's ques. The idea that babies should learn to soothe themselves is a myth, from my experience. I tried it with my first son & well, yeah it worked, eventually. It was a lot of crying & a lot of forcing myself to distance myself from my son. I hated it, he hated it, yeah it worked & he stopped crying. 
But with my 2nd baby, I helped her anytime she needed it & she became independent SO MUCH FASTER than my son! Her needs were filled!! Babies don't need to learn to soothe, they need YOU. The world is scary & they dont know anyone or how to cope with feelings. They need you! The more you give yourself to them, they faster & more they will be filled & be confident enough to be independent all on their own!! ❤❤❤

Answer

Sounds shitty but you may just have to listen to her cry. If you can’t stand it, you’ll have to leave. Babies cry and I promise you even though you feel so guilty and it’s hard to hear, she will be ok!! Plus it will be good for your sanity. My husband puts our daughter to bed every night and it’s such a sweet sound hearing them laugh and read books in her room while I relax on the couch after caring for her all day.

Answer

I had the same issue. It didn’t resolve until she was weaned at 1. Now my husband is her favorite person. My biggest piece of advice is to let him try. They’re not going to figure each other out unless you take a step back.
Leave them alone for an hour or two. Go out with some friends or go grocery shopping alone. He’ll figure it out, and she’ll be okay even if she’s a little uncomfortable

Answer

My son was really attached to me. So I started giving him and my husband alone time. I was the issue. So I removed my self. They'll figure it out together.

Answer

If he wants to try, excellent, let him. You have the quick fix with the boob, but maybe there is something else that can calm her down too, maybe he has ideas and needs the space away from your enticing boob to try them out lol. My son used to always calm down when my SO sang some stupid video game song to him. Devise a plan with him, if he wants to try to calm her down give him the space he wants and let him know you’ll be there if it doesn’t work out, and please remind him he’s not a failure if it doesn’t rather it’s a developmental thing like others have said (I feel like so many dads don’t get this explained to them and then give up). As for your anxiety, I totally get that, it’s awful listening to baby cry, but you can step outside or put some earbuds in to try to put it out of your mind.

Answer

My baby was soothed by me the first 4 months. I was the same as you where I wanted him to be able to be soothed by others like my husband or my mom, but he just wouldn’t settle down and it was painful hearing him cry. I finally decided he was too little to expect him to develop that relationship with others and after about 4 months he kind of naturally would settle himself down with my husband if he was rocked or talked to. I kind of regret trying to force it the first couple months since I think he was just too little and I spent so many days wondering if I was hovering over him too much. When they are that little they need Mom and there isn’t anything wrong with being the one who can console him or her. It all goes by so so fast so even though it can be tough now when they are an independent little one you will miss this phase.

Answer

Thank you all for the advice! Everyone was very helpful. I checked out some baby sleep advice books from my local library to learn how to get her to sleep without nursing and for every nap and sleep since last night we have successfully gotten down without it! Your comments all gave me the reassurance to move forward and believe in myself and my relationship with my baby. Thank you all!

Strong maternal instincts or hover parent?

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