Today was our first actually ob appointment since finding out we were pregnant. It was supposed to be a great day and I was going to go take our pups to see my husband at work after and show some of our friends the ultrasound photos of our twins. Instead I spent the entire day at the doctors going from one part of the building to the next. First we had the ultrasound where the horrible news was given to us. We lost one of our precious babies! I was devastated and couldn’t stop crying and really haven’t stopped yet. Then it was on to the appointment to talk to the ob where I had to do a depression chart which just made it hurt worse. And come to find out in the 3 months I’ve been pregnant I’ve already lost 15 pounds because I can’t eat from getting so sick. Then they couldn’t get my blood and had to send me to the path lab to be poked two more times before they got blood because I was soooo dehydrated. Then it was on to the infusion center to get a banana bag to try to up all my levels and get me out of the dangerous dehydration I was in. All while trying to take in the fact that I lost one of our children. I have been feeling like a failed my child, my husband and my family with this and I know I should be happy still having one healthy baby still on there but I can’t stop thinking about the one we lost. I never knew this would be soo hard and that soooo many families go through this and don’t say anything or don’t know they lost a twin since they hadn’t had an early ultrasound like I did. There were no true signs of this miscarriage and it truly sucked!! This was the first time I have really seen my husband cry like he did. He is really trying to stay strong for me but I don’t know how long that can last. I keep asking him if he needs anything or trying to talk to him because this didn’t just impact me. It impacted him as well. I know that people are going to tell me that it wasn’t my fault and that it just happens but it’s really hard not thinking I didn’t do something right!

Thank you for reading my venting and our story. This is one outlet I have to speak about this and feel like people understand what I’m going through. I hope none of you had as bad of a Valentine’s Day as we did!