I feel so defeated right now. Ever since I met my husband I've been telling him about my dream of adopting a child or kids. I believe that every child deserves to know they're loved and appreciated. It literally hurts me to think of the many children who are in pain, confused or simply lonely, longing for a loving home.

Since we've been married we talked about it a couple times. He said he wanted to be stable first, as far as owning a home and getting a better job, etc. He changed careers and have been in his dream job for about 5yrs now. We bought our house 3yrs ago. When I brought up adoption again, I had just given birth so he was right in saying we needed more time.

I decided to change it up a bit because maybe the finality of adoption is what's scaring him. This time I said I'd like us to foster a child. He said he don't think I'll have the time. The thing is, I'm unemployed, 5 weeks from completing my degree program, been looking for a job for months now and everyone's asking for experience, like how the hell would I get that if no one would hire me?? 😡. Anyway, 4 of our kids are at school during the week and I'm home with our toddler spending our time napping, reading or playing. I absolutely have the time!

When he said no, my heart sank and I started to cry. I did all the research, we're totally qualified, so I don't really see the problem. I can't do it without him 😭. I know it may not be a big deal to some but all I can think of is the little girl or boy who's gonna be spending the coming summer without a family, no vacations, no beaches, no scooters or someone to kiss their boo boos 😢.

I can't stop the tears and he's not even moved by it. I just want to crawl into a dark hole and be left alone 😭. I guess I'll just continue donating and helping out the kids in our community.