So o just started college and my life alone. My parents are living far away and suddenly I have to do so many adult stuff while I’m struggling to get used to college (I took 6 months off to help my parents move). Anyways I’ve already had a few breakdowns because I’m so overwhelmed with so many changes but the most recent one broke me. In my apartment I did this get together with my new friends, we all know each other for a month now. Anyways we were playing I few games and I accidentally got wasted, it really wasn’t my intention. It got to the point that i don’t remember everything that happened when we were together. One of my girl friends changes me into my pjs and made everyone leave since I was in a really bad state but a guy friend, who I know for two weeks, stayed behind because his mom was close or something like that. Anyways my memory is a little fuzzy but we went to the living room and we waited for my aunt to arrive. He suddenly tells me that he really likes me and that he loves my laugh etc. But I was such in a bad state that I just laughed. I recall he came closer and kissed me and it got heated really fast, I couldn’t even think in that moment like the room was spinning and just remember parts. I remember him touching me everywhere, especially my lady parts and my boobs underneath the shirt. I feel horrible and embarrassed to tell my mom or my aunts. I don’t know how to talk to him because he wants to ask me out but I feel used, I feel awful. He wasn’t drunk and I was completely out of it. Now I’m not a prude, I’ve done some things in the past with other guys but it’s always been with my consent. What should I do? Do I talk to him? I see him twice a week and he keeps texting me. I feel terrible because I actually liked him as a person and now I don’t know what to think. The worse thing is he told me he lied and stayed behind hoping something would happen between us. I can’t help and think what would have happened if I fell asleep? Or if my aunt didn’t come in time? Anyways all of this emotions combined made me self harm again, I was a around 4 years clean (it wasn’t easy) and now I feel like a failure. I don’t know what to do.