So, I’m an 18 year old girl, and my bf is a few years older than me & I cheated on him..

I know I’m such a horrible person, let me give you a little insight on the relationship.

So, since I’m a minor & he isn’t, he clearly would go out, there was one night when he just didn’t come home.. for 2 days, and didn’t bother to get ahold of me, I struggle with depression & anxiety, so when you’re young & the only person you have, gets so belligerent, that the only thing they cared about was the themself, it starts to break you down, BUT don’t get me wrong, I shrugged it off & we continued our relationship, and things were okay for a while, then it was around November, and things started to change, he was drinking, and we started to fight, he actually told me he would never marry me or have kids with me (knowing that those are the two biggest things to me in a relationship). I actually moved my things out for a couple weeks & he constantly called & texted & begged me to come home, said things would be different, so of course, home I went. In December things got bad again, he was drinking, again.. and we hadn’t sex in a while, he was distant, I even expressed to him how disgusting I felt bc he wasn’t intimate with me. I started talking to & hanging out with a guy from work; I just confided in him and was asking for advice in my relationship.. we had hung out only a few times, nothing happened, until New Year’s <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a>.. he came over to my apt & it sorta just happened, it was very awkward, and wasn’t what I wanted, but I also didn’t say that, so it happened.. I had not told my SO, bc it was a mistake & I didn’t want to hurt him, we work at the same job (different locations) & he ended up finding out.. he freaked out on me, said hurtful things.. I actually was very suicidal, and went to the hospital, after all the things he had said to me.. so I was in the hospital for 4 days.. in that time, I had coped & came to the realization that I ruined my relationship..

Fast forward to the day I get out of the hospital, he had called my mom & BEGGED her to talk to me, and said he was ready to work through what had happened, bc he couldn’t stand the fact of losing me.. so here we are, in February, and it’s been a roller coaster, he has been back & forth on whether or not he wants me.. which I understand, cheating is a hard concept to deal with. But today he was saying he wants time to do what he wants, but still excepted me to be faithful, like I’m just gonna be okay with that.

If I could go back in time, i would definitely never have even talked the guy from work, bc it has definitely made things even more rocky, I just want some friendly advice, not to be bashed. I do want him & I’m trying to make it work, I’m trying to right my wrongs, any advice on how to better this horrible situation?