im unhappy in my situation & i dont know if its me actually being sad or outside influences .. ive lived w my bf for a year now & i just have felt so lonely every since i moved out of my moms house , i just feel like i let my mom & younger siblings down .. & i feel like i let my mom down bc i was always w her & now , i choose to stay w my bf when hes home instead of going w my mom so that I dont have to deal w his attitude after & i just dont feel like this is my soulmate .. i feel like he doesnt care for me emotionally or mentally .. he always thinks somethings wrong & im just always wrong idk how but im so sad ... i feel like im screaming inside & just dull on the outside , i dont get ready anymore i feel so ugly & not to mention all the weight ive gained .. i dont know but i “miss” my life somehow .. crazy part is that im only 19 . i always tell my self i dont deserve this but cant find the balls to leave w/o feeling bad for my bf & all the “memories” ... i feel even worse bc my mom & family notice the difference too & always tell me to leave & my moms always crying telling me to leave if im unhappy bc my dad was the same way to her & it hurts her to see me this way yet here i am .. i can no longer sleep wothout thinking about how miserable i truly feel & all the mean things my bf tells me when ive never disrespected him .. i get all caught up in my thoughts & just start feeling like running away from everybody i wish to be like myself again , everyone seems so happy w their life & mine just drags along im so unhappy idk what i ever did to deserve this ... i truly feel like im so loving & nice but i hear the opposite from the person whos supposed to love me .... im just SCREAMING for help inside