Today I've been really tired, my anxiety gets worse sometimes when I'm like this and I've been feeling down lately anyhow. I had my miscarriage in September 2017, a year after my wedding, and after I got a little footprint tattoo in honour of my baby who couldn't make it in to the world but who is always in my heart. My husband and I took some months off after our loss but then decided to try again for a baby late last year. We arent as focused on ttc as we were the first time, partly because of the fear of going through another miscarriage, but we still know that having a family is one of our biggest hopes and dreams. We are saying that if it's meant to happen then it'll happen but the agony of seeing my period every month still hits me right in the heart. My mam who is spiritual has been having dreams of a baby girl. Multiple dreams. I dont know if this symbolises the baby I lost or the baby I hope to have in future. Out of the blue tonight I had a flash thought of my baby and I cried for the life they should have had. They would have been coming up one year old this May. I can only hope that they are at peace and in my heart they will be with me forever, the baby we wanted so much. Today is one of those days where I wish someone could tell me what's going to happen because right now I feel a deep sadness and uncertainty.