Never in a million years would I consider myself a prostitute let alone anyone else think I’m a prostitute .. but for my own dad to call me a prostitute I will never forget that. All because I married into a family who didn’t care about me at all and married a man who not one day took care of his responsibilities towards my child and I. My (future ex) husband is toxic to me my life and clearly my family. I never knew how much everyone in my family hated him and his family. I guess my love for him blinded me to the extreme. But they are right this guy has brought nothing good to my life. I just don’t know how I’ll move on with my family from this the truth hit me so hard that I don’t even know how to feel. I’m hurt, sad, embarrassed, ashamed, disappointed, mad at myself, I just hate life at this point. The only good thing is my baby which I love more than my own life. I lost myself and I’m not exactly sure where and when. I lost my identity, i lost my voice, my opinion, my self love and self worth. I lost who I used to be from constantly putting this man first. And I hate myself for that I hate myself for yet again loving another person other than myself too much and way more than they deserved. I don’t know why I do that, why I love unconditionally and so deeply that I end up really hurting myself. No one deserves that love but my own self. And I don’t remember where I lost myself, if I loved myself even half as much as I loved him I would have never gotten to the position I am now. But sadly in this marriage I put him first when he didn’t deserve it cause he never put me first. He told me when I was working while pregnant Its okay because I wasn’t “really pregnant” I worked till I was almost due while he was just working out and traveling. And when he gets mad it doesn’t matter if what he’s saying will shatter me he’s going for the kill. How am I repeatedly going back to this guy and accepting his apologies and yet again believing in his empty promises. My entire family don’t understand what’s wrong with me cause I literally don’t understand what’s wrong with me. I’m so clingy on the tittle of being married that Im willing to stay in a situation that is so toxic just so I wouldn’t be considered a divorcee. I lost myself, my worth, my self confidence. I just need to move on and I just want to know where do I start. Can anyone help me?