Y’all, I’m sorry, but I just have to vent, because I’m kind of losing it.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 10 months now, on and off for 10 years and I love him very dearly.

Just a month ago, I found out I was pregnant after taking a few tests and a blood test. I told him straight up one day and although many times before he said that he would be happy and overjoyed, I didn’t get that reaction at all. (I’m literally bawling now, clutching my belly in pain for my baby’s future without a father...)

The father had honestly told me he wants me to get an abortion because we weren’t ready. It broke me entirely and I’ve been so thrown off since then because I never expected it from him.

So I told him I would tell my parents and see what they think. When I told my family, I facetimed them crying (because they live a little bit of a drive away) and their reactions were “Well, what are the tears for? Why are you crying? There’s nothing to be sad about, a baby is a blessing!” Even though I’m young, my family understands and supports me which is more than I could ever ask from them!

So... the other night, I told him what my parents said and he wasn’t folding. He still preached abortion. I thought that there had to be something going on, so I went through his phone... and I knew I shouldn’t have but I’m glad I now know the truth.

My boyfriend had been sexting girls on dating apps and texting them every day speaking intimately with them. I’ve cried every time I’m alone since then. It’s gotten so bad that my stress has actually caused me to spot more (not a lot, just every day as apposed to here and then).

I confronted him today and he basically blamed the whole situation on me. “You pressured me to go in raw! You wanted me to have sex with you and finish in you! You’ve been showing me no love to the point where I don’t even care about anything anymore, I don’t want the kid so if you don’t like that, then get out of my house. Pack your stuff and delete my number.”

Okay, now I’m sobbing... I’ve already planned for this outcome and have looked into women shelters to stay in until housing can provide me a home, but my heart is breaking for my baby. After all me and this guy has been through, I really thought he would be better than this... I’m close with his family; he has been raised so much better. His mom is even begging me to give him time to work it out, but I don’t wanna traumatize my child even more by putting myself through this depression.

My heart is broken and I’m devastated, but this whole ordeal hasn’t been about me, it’s been about my baby and the fact that he didn’t love my baby enough makes me feel like such a bad mother for making such a bad judgement call.

Sorry, I just needed to cry a little to some people. I know I can get through this. I’m so determined that nothing is gonna stand in my way, but I just wish it could’ve played out better for the sake of my first child.