Laying here crying. So hard. It’s only month 4 but I’m mad I waited so long to start trying. I’m mad at my husband for not agreeing to start earlier. My friends are on baby 2. One of which has fertility issues. I’m so depressed.

I was sure this was my month. Had new symptoms I’ve never had before. Had some normal AF cramps this morning and I’m losing it. I had a breakdown last week too. Sobbing while folding laundry. Now I’m sobbing into my coffee. I’m over it all. I don’t want to even try anymore. Maybe I’m not meant to be a mom. I’m so so so so down right now. AF due in 3 days but I still feel it’s all over, again, like always.

When I was 19 I had an abortion (please don’t come at me) maybe that was my one chance. It was with my husband now we were just too young and knew it. Now I feel like whelp that was it and I’m done. I just can’t stop crying and laying around. It’s been so bad this last week. I don’t want to do anything. I’m not looking for pity idk why I’m even posting. All I know is I hate myself and don’t want to see anyone.