My moms been making my life impossible recently. Well, I’m going to be 20 and I depend on her financially very heavily as I am still in college. Getting a job rn is difficult as I do not drive (she is partly to blame. She has scared me into not wanting to drive after my car wreck a little while back).

My mother is constantly bringing me down. There is not one fond memory of her celebrating my achievements. Even when I graduated high school she said “your gpa could have been better.”

Now I have a boyfriend and he is quite honestly the best thing in my life. She doesn’t approve of him bc he is not completely one race (don’t want to give too much away for the sake of my identity and his). She doesn’t find him attractive either. And i am madly in love with him.

She’s always belittling me and nitpicking everything. It’s an every day thing. I can’t do it anymore.

I cry all the time. I feel stupid and worthless and trapped.

I think it would all just be better if I died.

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It’s gotten worse.

She doesn’t accept my relationship. She makes me feel like shit about my relationship. About the only real relationship I’ve had that hasn’t been toxic. Where I’ve allowed myself to fall in love.

She asked today if he had a learning disability (if he had some sort of mental slowness/retardation (I apologize for a lack of a better word))

She never allows him to come earlier in the day. At 7 at night when I am tired from class is when he can come over while I am trying not I fall asleep.

I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I’m running out of tears.

I. Want. To. Die.

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I was in the wrong today.

I snapped. Bc I am scared. Not an excuse. But i. Am. Scared. My obgyn said that bc I don’t ovulate I am susceptible to ovarian and breast cancer. I am scared I will have to be medicated my entire life to avoid it...and maybe even still have the possibility of it.

School isn’t going well. I feel like im going nowhere. I will have an entire semester of no school Bc I will be done with classes but can’t apply to nursing school until May 2020.

I snapped at my mother Bc I am scared and then I tried to apologize..be the bigger person. And she shoved me and said “no”. Called my father making me sound like a criminal.

I am so broken and I am tired of trying to fix myself.