Summary: boyfriend (20) broke up with me (18) cause of time and not having as strong of feelings as I do for him. We ha sheen dating for six months. I’m doing no contact again.

My ex broke up with me. It’s been 8 days. He said he’s just not going to have time because of an apprenticeship and going full time at work and doesn’t think it’s fair to me both because of that and because he thinks my feelings for him are stronger than his are for me. I’m so angry because he broke up with me three weeks ago because he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship then he wanted me back cause he missed me. I did no contact for the week we were apart. I’m angry he asked for me back to just break up again. He told me he doesn’t feel love or happiness and he finds it easy to feel anger and sadness and he’s incredibly stressed out with everything going on. I told him I’m okay not seeing him as often because his career is more important right now but my mom just believes he can’t give me what he thinks I deserve. I guess I just hope that he will figure his crap out (like talk to someone because it’s evident he’s got depression) and try to talk to me again. I’m so angry I let myself fall in love with him twice. He did this before Valentine’s Day. Brought over flowers and chocolate and pretended everything was fine until I probed it out of him cause he was acting weird. He also said his “wise” professor said it’s not a good idea for him to have a girlfriend which I think influenced his decision. I’m angry he brought me flowers and chocolates of pity because I spent a lot of money and time on a thoughtful gift. He said he’d still come over Saturday for the Valentine’s Day dinner I was going to make him. I said no. He also said he’d still like to hang out and that he’s here if I ever need to talk to someone. I ended up throwing his flowers away out of anger away out of anger. I know he probably isn’t in love with me but he cares about me. Maybe if he can love and care for himself, he can learn to love and care for others. I’m not going to speak to him, maybe he’ll reach out but I’ll just say I cant get into it again unless he’s figured himself out and talked to someone. I’m going to go talk to someone too. I guess I just hope that he can figure himself out so maybe he’ll figure out if he wants me or not. I miss him. I thought I was going to marry him. I’m going to counseling soon to hopefully talk through some things cause my mental health is down the drain. I’ve struggled to keep from texting him because tonight I got asked to hook up with someone from my past again and I broke down. He was my best friend. I sent a pretty nasty text calling him out for basically dragging me around for 3 weeks and getting me a pity gift so I’m scared he won’t reach out. I did text one later that morning that I didn’t mean for it to come out so mean. I miss him so much. I’m never not thinking about him. Should I just do no contact and hope he texts me? I was probably going to text him in a few months and ask if he got the apprenticeship. Should I add him back on Snapchat? I miss him so much my heart hurts all the time. I don’t want to move on. He cried the first time we broke up and then he shed a tear the second. He didn’t look like he was sure what he was going to do when we were talking so idk. Maybe I pushed him to break up with me.