How I’ll be in the future

Me: (gets a positive pregnancy test)

Me at eighteen weeks: (smiling and happily pregnant)

Me at three months: aw I can’t wait to meet my little one

Me at six months: ok I’m getting uncomfortable. I’ve been peeing too much and how much can I get eat? Will the baby like these ribs cause I want ribs?

Me at the time the baby is coming: oh no I’m going nature. I got this.

Me a few minutes later: ( feels very painful contraction) nope I want drugs please give me drugs

H:babe calm down

Me : don’t you fucking tell me to calm down! Are you delivering a human being ? No! Give me the drugs now!!!!

H: (runs in horror)

Labor for hours and delivers healthy baby