I’ve posted on here before but more has happened since but I’ll explain it all. Like three months into moving in with my SO, the sex pretty much stopped. I didn’t know why. He just said he was tired from work. One time I put on fishnets and heels (his fav thing for me to wear) and he had me feeling like a fool/unattractive because he couldn’t get hard and didn’t explain why. From then on he would turn me down for sex and get off to porn instead for like a year and hide that fact from me, even had a secret phone, he only had sex with me maybe once a month if that. He’d never take my shirt off or look at me when we did have sex. I had constant talks with him about it and he would always try to justify the porn. And it wasn’t just porn it was sexy girls on YouTube and twerking videos he’d watch everyday, meanwhile leaving me sexually frustrated and feeling unattractive.

So after a year he stopped with the porn. Then a new problem. We had more sex, but not really, because almost every time we would try he couldn’t get hard and was only hard for blowjobs. I told him to see a doctor and he wouldn’t bc his insurance wouldn’t cover it, and he said he didn’t have a problem. So I took him to a sex toy shop and told him to pick out anything that would help, I was down for anything. He got me a vibrator. I said are you going to use this on me? He said no don’t talk like that, this is so you stop relying on me. I had gotten him a cock ring thinking that might help him stay hard but he never took it out of the box. I caught him looking at his ex’s nudes on his phone one day. Old pictures he had saved. She had huge tits, I don’t. I decided to stay with him, I guess because I was emotionally numb.

Now two years later, I am so use to using my vibrator and don’t even want sex with him. We had issues outside the bedroom as well and we talked about breaking up. I guess that sparked something in him. He tried having sex with me more and he suddenly doesn’t have a problem staying hard anymore. But now, I’m the one turning him down and not wanting sex.

He randomly told me “I think the main problem is that you stopped getting so wet, you were always so juicy when we first started dating then it stopped.” I never even thought of that but I think he’s right. I never was dry, but I definitely wasn’t as wet as I use to be. Him turning me down for sex and turning to porn instead definitely was a huge turn off for me. Maybe I wasn’t even turned on by him anymore, I’m certainly not now. But me not being very wet could explain why he stopped staying hard and only wanted blowjobs. I’m not sure which one of us is to blame... maybe it’s both of us.

We’re just not sexually compatible. He doesn’t touch me right even when I tell him how I want it. I don’t even want him touching me now. He wants a girl who can twerk and I can’t, he wants a girl with big tits and I don’t. He says he loves my body and he does make me feel good about my body, but not sexy. I never feel sexy around him after all he’s put me through.

I think the damage has been done, and there’s no fixing this. We don’t have money for a sex therapist or whatever and he wouldn’t agree to it anyway. I have been thinking of sex with other men, and I know he’s thought of sex with other women this whole relationship through porn. We’ve both been loyal technically, no actual cheating, but in our minds I know it’s a different story. It sucks to be at the point where you’re knowing you have to throw a relationship away mainly over sex, but that’s the reality of this.