Im sad 😔 need some advice

I was slim and pretty before i got pregnant..

Then i gained 30 kgs in my pregnancy due to stress as i had a full time sales/marketing job + full time at university so it was a nightmare and im proud that i succeeded in both but ended up gaining all that weight due to stress and junk food as i had no time to cook or exercise or whatever.

I thought i'd lose the weight easily (because i lost 30 kgs in the past and became very slim but i was bulimic at the time so i was starving myself) but that never happened (its been 2 years since i had my baby).. i just eat whenever im stressed or sad and ruin my diet 😔.. i lost a bit in the first year and now i need to lose 11 kgs to reach my weight before pregnancy and that never happens as i keep losing a few kgs then gain all the weight and more and thats the story of my life.

Now im trying to ttc again for a 2nd baby but im so scared to gain weight again although im a stay at home mum..

I'm wondering if i can lose weight while being pregnant?

Im also wondering if healthy diets are not meant to be for some ppl and if i have to go to my old habits of starving my body and purging to lose weight.

Please help.. this means a lot to me

Tia