With my first pregnancy, my MIL who is the head maternity nurse was in the room and my FIL waited outside the room until baby was born. Then they came in to see baby for a bit and it didn’t bother me. My relationship with them was better at the time.

The next day my own parents came to the hospital very briefly and all my other in-laws came for a very long time and my other MIL posted about my baby’s birth on Facebook before I had said anything (which was kind of annoying).

The day we got home, my in laws came over again, despite me not wanting them, and really overstayed their welcome. They kept taking my new baby from me and as a first time mom, I was freaking out but felt I couldn’t say anything. They then told me to go to another room or take a bath or something so they could have alone time with my newborn and I went into the bathroom and sobbed until my husband came in to check on me, and subsequently told them they needed to leave finally.

From that point on they were overbearing. They wouldn’t let me have my baby when she was hungry, insisting they could just sing to her to calm her down or that there was no way she needed to nurse again, pushed formula on me insisting they needed days and nights with the baby, made a point of taking family pictures with her and everyone but specifically asked me to stay out of them, etc etc. I was horrified by the thought of seeing them as I knew it meant I’d lose all rights to my baby (at least that’s how I felt), made me feel less of a mother, and took an emotional toll on me because I couldn’t stand to be apart from my newborn.

Things have simmered down now that my daughter is 2 and we don’t see them very often, but if I’m being honest I absolutely hate seeing them and am incredibly uncomfortable every time I have to for reasons that’s extend beyond the previous years.

We have another baby due in June and I am cringing at the thought of them being in my home again at that time let alone the hospital room. My family is so great- they do their own thing the whole time they’re with us and silently clean and cook and are so understanding about giving us and baby space so I’ll be happy to have them visit again. But I honestly just don’t want to see my in laws when this baby is born. I don’t want them taking him, I don’t want them taking over with my daughter while we get to bond as a family, and I don’t want to feel so uncomfortable so soon after birth and something that is so special to me.

I don’t think we could keep labor a secret since my one MIL is the head nurse there so I’m not sure what my options are. Is it incredibly rude to ask them to not come over for a while? Do I let them come to the hospital but not my house until we’re settled in? How long can I say we want at home alone as a family, especially since my own mom will be there? Honestly, I’m not sure I’ll ever feel comfortable with the idea of them coming to take baby boy, but I feel like I have to. What kind of limits can I set??