I feel so alone all the time. We opened a business. I'm opening, working all day, closing (he shows up some times to do some heavy lifting to close. I'm taking kids to school and picking them up. I'm cooking. I'm cleaning. Then he gets all the fucking money. If I lie he still finds it. He sleeps during the day and stays up all night working on some wood carving hobby. He's started 15 projects around the house he won't finish. He won't clean his stuff off the dining room table so the kids and I have to eat on the living room floor. I've threatened to move it and I get bitched out about how he can never find his stuff. I'm so sick of him. Then on top off everything I'm nursing our 4 month old so he is with me all the time. He won't keep him so I can even shower. I literally only get a whore bath like twice a week when my 10 year old stays up after bedtime to watch the baby. I'm exhausted and I feel so alone in life. And the resentment towards my husband is starting to overflow to my baby. He is the one that wanted another child not me. And here I am being the only one that can do anything for him. He blames me breastfeeding. I don't want to stop. It's the only reason I have stayed alive this long is because I've convinced myself that he needs me. I'm tired of being so sad. And yes I'm taking medication for the depression.

I needed to get this out, thank you for reading.

Edit: I can't kick him out, I'm going through a custody battle again with my oldest child's father. And I'm homeschooling my oldest next year.