This Friday will be my 24th birthday.

I started taking medicine for my depression/anxiety last year after I lost my son at 16 weeks. I’ve upped the dosage and still it doesn’t work. Everyday I have to fake my way through meaningless interactions. I don’t go out anymore. I feel empty. My son would almost be 6 months now. My daughter is 6 years old and always talks about him and ask when will she have a new brother/sister. My husband and I have been trying to conceive. It’s all I can think about. I’ve consumed the past year with getting pregnant and falling down a spiral each month I’m not. Just found out this week I haven’t even been ovulating even though all the signs were there. A year of wasting our time. Sometimes I just wonder what I did to deserve the shit hand life has given me. I work hard for everything I do, I have a bachelors degree, a good high paying job, my husband makes 6 figures but my body can’t do the one job it is given. My sister in law on the other hand had her baby and pawns her children off daily. She has an older son from a previous relationship and he has been with my husbands grandparents for a little over a month now without visiting them. Shit parents. Don’t get me started on the people I graduated with. They are scum of the earth reproducing like rabbits and cps knows them by name. My husband and I are good people, we work hard, have money, insurance, but still this is where we are. Life sucks. I constantly think about when I die this is the life I will have lived. Going back to school this summer for a career change-pharmacist. Maybe if I make more money I can satisfy myself with more material things? It’s my birthday week and I find out my body still isn’t doing its job.