So I had my baby girl 7 weeks ago and I’m really starting to have a hard time with this. I’m a FTM and I’m also a SAHM. She is by far the fussiest baby I have ever seen, and most days I’m losing my mind! I just don’t know what to do. A part of me is wondering if PPD is starting to set in. I sat down and talked to my husband last night and just broke down. I told him how I just can’t stand being home all day with a crying baby. I have absolutely no time to do anything for myself anymore. I can’t take naps bc she won’t go down long enough for me to get a nap in. I’ve been wanting to get back to working out, but like that’s going to happen. I’m a little OCD about keeping a clean house, so I run myself ragged trying to make sure I keep the house just as clean as I would have before I had her. I also have a very jealous dog who I have to deal with during the day as well. My husband doesn’t think I have PPD bc I’m still trying to do everything I can to keep things in order around her, he says I wouldn’t care anymore if I had it. He thinks I’m just sleep deprived, overwhelmed and just tired of not having any time to do something for myself. My whole life all I ever wanted was to be a mother. We struggled to get pregnant, even lost my first pregnancy to miscarriage. It took us 2 years to conceive my daughter now. But now that she’s here, I often wonder if I was wrong and I’m just not cutout for this. I know she’s fussy, and gassy and she has reflux and I do everything I can to make her comfortable, but some days I just can’t comfort her and it kills me! My husband said I need to ask for more help from him, but I feel like I shouldn’t always have to ask for help. He sees me struggling some days and just sits there playing his game, While I take care of everything! Why can’t men just do something without us having to ask for it all the time! We have no family or friends around to help me either, so everything is put on me. I also feel very disconnected from my husband now, we haven’t been able to sleep in the same bed together for weeks now. We are sleeping in shifts at night bc she does not sleep that great. This way we both get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep, although it’s still not enough for me. She sleeps great for him when it’s his turn to take care of her so he gets to sleep at that time as well. But when it’s my turn to take over she’s awful for me. So my husband most nights will still get 7-8 hours while I usually only get 4. My husband and I have been trying to have sex also when we can and she either starts crying in the middle of it or we have to go so fast that it’s not even enjoyable for me. I also have it in my head that I don’t want to be the stereotypical “lazy” SAHM everyone talks about. So that’s another reason why I’m trying so hard to keep the house spotless, have dinner ready when my husband gets home and take care of my 6 week old at the same time. All while being a tired ass zombie! I never want my husband to resent me for staying home or think I’ve let myself or the house go bc of it. I think I’ve put a lot of pressure on myself and I just don’t know what to do anymore. Sorry for the long post, I guess I just needed to rant.

I also want to add that I wasn’t able to breastfeed my baby due to my milk not coming in fully. It killed me to have to put her on formula but she needs to be fed and that’s the only way she can eat. I feel like I missed out on that bond with her and now I feel like we don’t have that connection we normally would have had if I was able to breastfeed her.