I'm fed up of feeling sad. I'm fed up of wanting to cry. And every time I hear, smell or see a certain thing it reminds me of him. I'm fed up of having no friends. Feeling dead inside. The only time I'm happy is when I'm busy at work. I don't like my days off cause I'm sad and think about stuff. I'm trying to get counseling help but I'm really busy with my work like I don't have set days off so idk when I could attend any. But I get points where I literally don't wanna go on. I feel so lonely and I miss him so much it aches. I try to focus on the bad he did but even then it hurts. Nobody will ever show interest in me like he did and I don't want anyone else. But I fucking hate it. I hate that I don't go clubbing cause I have no friends and have never been drunk. Nobody wants to be friends with the weird quiet one who doesn't have fun being almost 22. I feel so empty inside that I dunno how I can carry on. I don't feel like I can carry on. This is gonna be my life forever, alone and sad so what's the point. People who've hurt me and stuff in the past are thriving, in loving relationships, in good jobs, living their life to the full and I'm going home and crying myself to sleep. I don't know how to bring myself to end it all but I also don't know how to carry on. Like I cross the road and think would it be so bad if I just let a car hit me? Would it be so bad if a car just swerved and hit me? I know realistically it would hurt and it's just for a split second I feel that low