...to initiate oral w/ my husband. I feel like such a huge blob right now and it’s kept me from getting intimate with him for a couple months now and before that it was almost 4 months since the time before that. I just honestly feel so uncomfortable and unattractive and just completely gross( reason: I have steadily over the time of just under 3 years- gained a ton of weight, more than I ever did even though 3 pregnancies @ the 10th month ready to pop - I never! have let myself get this overweight- @ least not since I was able to get healthy and lose a lot of excess weight when I was in high school) anyway I honestly feel like he thinks I’m just as disgusting just like I do and it is heartbreaking and so very depressing. So now after almost an entire year of us being really distant and disconnected we are truly trying to get back to the place where we are really TOGETHER AGAIN like in love and enjoying each other and acting like a married couple not room mates-ya know? And now we have a perfect opportunity to be intimate and Im locked in the bathroom stalling because I am so afraid of it going horribly wrong and then it starts the fighting again and it’s going to be all because of me and my over sensitive issues that I can’t be confident in that way I know he used to always love and he said turned him on so much. I m afraid he will just give up trying to light our fire again and be tempted to go find it with someone else who is everything he wants everything I used to be and are no where close being anymore.

I just want to feel like he still wouldn’t rather be with anyone else but me. But I just can’t imagine how when I look and feel and honestly physically cannot do the things I always knew were what he loved. I just had to get this off my mind and my best friend is ghosting me right now so I hope some of you have some comforting words of inspiration for me. I would really appreciate it immensely no doubt. Btw: I read it over and realized that if I were reading the post that I would really want to know how much weight am I considering a ton. 65lbs I was 115 after I had my 3rd daughter (after nursing was done when she was around 14-18 months I reached pre-pregnancy weight)

Then at around 20 months post pregnancy I was diagnosed with postpartum depression that turned into treatment resistant major depressive disorder and was let go from my job and due to severe chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia I went from extremely active healthy eating and minimal sugar to sitting on the computer and eating everything sweet under the sun and 65lbs later I am just now after the last couple years I am finally starting to realize that it’s not going to just go away by itself and I need to get moving if I want to feel better and have a life again

Any way thank you for listening!❣️😊☺️👂👍🏻