I feel so ruined by my childhood so many toxic traits kept with me and I do feel and know I'm part of the reason my relationship is ruined.

I have such anger problems and to say things out of spite. I'm a horrible person I know. I swear I try and change someone I go back.

Someone earlier today mentioned I'm comfortable with my SO. Yet in reality I'm over the relationship. Which in a sense I feel like it is sure and not. I love this man. I do BUT.....(I wish there wasn't a but) I'm so tired of asking for the littlest things in return. (As I'm sure he is too) it's always I did this for you but you didn't do this for me or really you can't do this?

It's sad it really is. It's gotten even to the point where we argue about taking care of our daughter like it's a damn chore or job. ( She gets taken cared of regardless. Just the fact of can't you do it or but I just did this so you do it)

At the moment I'm a SAHM. He never been the one to put stereo type role expectations in our relationship. But a while back he said " like come on your home all day and you just watch the baby". (Not in a dick way either.) & I'm just like really. Do you realized you haven't cleaned up anything since before Halloween? Anytime you you have "DONE SOMETHING" (like fold a pile of clothes and put them away).. during the time before October until now which was like 1 MAYBE 2 times (that's really giving him the benefit of the doubt though). I had and basically need to "bitch"at you JUST TO DO IT. and honestly I wouldn't mind cleaning the house all the time if you least do a little part in helping me maintain it. (Put your clothes in the hamper, or throw in a load. If I throw in the the load, fold them for me. If I cook, you wash dishes. Even vice versa. But the biggest thing also is actually WANT TO GIVE THAT help in hand to me. Come up with the idea yourself to do your part. At least minimum of the way. )

You do ONE thing for me and it gets compared and dragged out to everything I'm asking that relates me doing anything for myself. You spend a weekend away riding enjoying your time. I get shit for wanting to go by myself to my Tia's for lunch for an hour or 2....

I know I have my flaws. I'm so negative. I get angry. I compare things. And like I said it's both ends that are in fault here.

Just I realized I am unhappy. I just don't "feel" unhappy because I got so numb to how shitty things are. That oh it's just us. I don't want to let you go because the thought of you being with someone else hurts me. The thought of you having sex and being so intimate with someone else when I was your first hurts me. Any thought in anyways with you being with someone else hurts me that I started crying right now.

You not loving me anymore breaks my heart. I want our daughter to have a"family" of the same parents but I know this in the long run will be miserable the more it goes on.

I don't know what to do. We have tried the "taking a break". Me going back to my parents just Giving space but it's always goes back to the same thing.

I needed to vent and get it out of what I am thinking. I know I probably have so many typos but I'm honeslty typing as if I am talking. I need to think more on this the next few days honestly.

Before I even bring it up to him. If anyone could give me any advice it will be deeply appreciated thank you .