i’ve been having a wonderful year with my boyfriend. we’ve only been together a little over a year. he’s so great in so many ways, and makes me so happy. he cares a lot about my feelings and tries to come up with solutions to any problems we have so that i won’t be upset anymore. i’m grateful to have someone love and care so much about my daughter and i.

however, i, for some reason that i cannot pinpoint, feel unsettled that he values his memories. like i value mine...

he was in a polyamorous relationship before me and he was IN LOVE with both of his girlfriends (he had a metamour). however, when they didn’t work out, he was heartbroken. one of the girlfriends was his girlfriend of 6 years since college and they graduated together and moved out of state together, etc. (longest relationship) and the second girlfriend (who had her own boyfriend) joined them for about 2 years before it all ended. we all have histories, right?

well, months ago, it somehow came up (i asked) that he had nude photos of the exes somewhere. i felt super bothered initially, and he said he didn’t know where they were at the moment but that he’d delete them if he came across them. fast forward to the present (today), i no longer care that he had (or has) them because i have mine (nude photos of someone i dated and had strong feelings for) and i understand it’s our memories of a time in our lives. it didn’t work out but it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and that we didn’t value it at the time (and even now, i value all the memories i have and the people who’ve been in my life — they’re a part of how i came to be who i am today). and the same goes for my boyfriend.

well, it came up this morning (one thing led to another and then it came up naturally), and he said he had deleted the nude photos. i felt like i didn’t care anymore either way, but i imagined myself having to delete mine and how i’d feel about doing it (i don’t exactly want to), and so i asked him if he felt anything from deleting them. his response: “well, yeah, sad. because... memories.” i felt bad and told him i wish i’d told him i didn’t care anymore now, but he told me he actually deleted them back then when it came up and i was hurt by it. he went and looked for them soon after that and deleted them. it’s super sweet of him to care so much about my feelings that he did a thing that caused him to feel sad, he was able to let that go, but the fact that he felt sad, has bothered me all morning today. i feel like i don’t want him to care, but that’s unfair because i care and understand the feeling completely, of wanting to hold on to memories just because... memories! i’ve been fortunate to not have bad breakups. my relationships ended on good terms, all 3 of them before him (i’m in my 30s).

just don’t know how to deal with this feeling since it seems irrational and i don’t know how to resolve something like this...

*edit: pretty funny i think i explained it poorly because of the responses i got. i’m not worried about the nude photos i have, he doesn’t care if i delete them or not. i was more seeking consolation because even though he deleted his nude photos of his exes, i was feeling super bummed that he felt sad when he was doing it. i wanted him to not care but the fact that he cared caused me to feel bad and so i posted about it seeking a way to feel better. i get jealous when he has emotions still for his past