Dear M,

We met on fucked up terms. What I thought was easy money turned into a difficult relationship. I needed money badly. You promised me you'd pay me.. you stole my heart with lies and I believed you. We moved fast.

I didn't know you had a family until I relaized I tore it apart.. or maybe I helped? Neither of you seemed happy and stayed for the kid, but you were never around anyways.

Late nights turned into hour drives every night to be with each other. I moved in with you a few months in. People thought it was crazy. I thought it was love. Things were okay at first, everything was exciting and New. you were exciting and New but it was all a lie. You made me feel better like I had a direction.

We got our own place after I'd gotten a job. I put all my money into getting it for us. I didn't have money to fix my car and you promised you were on it. It's not your fault I believed you.

We started to fight alot. You started abusing me and drugs except I didn't know about the drugs.

I became pregnant.. you told me you couldn't have kids.. showed me papers and everything.. you always said you'd get me pregnant. Guess you were right. You also said when we would fight that you'd make me a single mother. I did that on my own.

I did that because after a while of being with you and only showing you love you shat on me too many times. I fell depressed and felt broken. You blamed me for your own issues and I accepted it because it made you stay. I loved you so much I stayed through your bullshit because I hoped it would get better..

It never did, so we had one last fight in that house and I called my mom to come get me. You broke me.

I spent years building myself up. Learning to love everything about myself and not feel so judgemental towards myself. After years I finally started taking care of myself properly. Doing things that.made me happy..

But you had to shit on that. I use to have amazing friends. You made me lose them. You isolated me.. I feel like you clipped my wings.

You're not in my life right now. I'm trying to make you stay out.

I just can't help but wonder what life would be like if you didn't do what you did. Would we actually be happy? Would you be happy without pills? Could you give me the life you promised me? I've got so many doubts in you.. I had so many doubts in us.

I just wonder if we would have been happier if I stayed or if I'd have lost my son..