Well it’s Happened, he physically cheated on me. Over and over, I have his tablet with his web history, contacts, and google maps that saves his location. He took a job two hours away (the company promised our area but sent him there for training and just kept him there for seven months til now, he said he’s never going back or staying overnight). So this serial online cheater finally got the freedom from me three to four nights out of the week every week. He would rent an Audi R8 to make the girl think he owned it, haven’t been able to pay for the mortgage , they were group sex talking with other people on kik. I got in touch with a girl and she told me his a sick sick bastard, he is very kinky and probably a narcissistic dominant sex maniac and I did refuse to do things in the beginning and it’s led him elsewhere. But the kik girl I contacted told me how he met that girl he is fucking, a nurse at his work, (which he says he doesn’t work with her, well yeah bastard maybe not directly). But maps showed me he would leave his paid hotel to go stay the nights at her house. Wouldn’t tell me anything about it. Everything I know and still know is what I investigated. That’s the cheating part.

My relationship part. He’s my best fiend. We tell each other we love each other to the core. I finally did it and told him I wanted a divorce. We’ve been through the conversation before but he always threw it out to get me to stay. Despite his faults of being a manipulator, a Liar, and a cheater we both truly feel as if our life would be over without each other. But he has this sick obsession, it’s like a drug, A scratch he can’t stop touching. Even after our five hour long conversation on the phone after I found out and I finally told him how much it was over and why, I finally made him realize that we are not going to grow old together on a porch swing like we always said, we are not going to start that family we so wanted, if my chemical hadn’t of happened, I would be due next month. He got hired for that job around the time I lost the baby. But he cried, so hard and cursed himself for what he done and I’ve never heard that honesty from him like that before. He wanted that baby so bad he went around telling everyone.

If your still with me thanks for taking the time and reading this. From a hurting person, very deeply, I will kill my self without him. The only thing and the only thing that stops me is my parents and my pets....and God. He knows something is wrong with him. He showed me the email for the appointment he made before we even talked about all this. But omg the trust, this man can put up such a good front. So I laid it out, good times and bad. Past internet cheating probably six out of nine years, and two years after last infidelity he did this. He regrets it all. He opened up. In the nine-ten years we been together, I’ve never orgasmed.my poor baby finally opened up to me and admitted how much that has eaten at him and as made him feel small and inadequate and that he’s the only one around that can’t please his wife. He mentioned when our friends made sex jokes he never said anything because embarrassed in front of me and doesn’t want to admit anything, and this is his best friend making the jokes. But I truly believe that’s what led him to all of this. You got to think, ten years of that torture. I told him I’ve never came with anyone and he found that a huge relief and also when I told him it takes me an hour or more to come with a vibrator on full blast and the nastiest porn you can think of, the same thing you actually watch babe, and admitted to doing that is the only thing that can get me off and I felt he wouldn’t want to do the time and effort. Its just a big web of mess in the beginning that spiraled down. I told him we were just two broken people who met and fell in love instantly. He wants those broken pieces to be fixed.

People I’m a speech therapist, I teach social communication skills but I couldn’t use it if my life depended on it I guess, please talk to your spouses, tell them what you need. He says he’s the most sorriest he has ever been, that’s been what’s killing him. Sex is major. He always felt like I couldn’t do the things he wants me to do kinky but I have a hard time getting it out of him and I feel just kind of stupid doing commands, like just fuck me passionately anyway you want. But maybe we are too different that way. So I admit I’m a broke, depressed, (because of him and my weight, my self esteem is so low and he says he loves me and my body and regrets not telling me how beautiful he thinks I am every day, I’m not comfortable with my naked body). I need help too, like I said earlier about killing myself, I wanted to when I was 13 for the same problems, boys and weight, but I found God, I did. And My husband saw my light, I was on a weight loss journey that ended a month after we were dating because I was sucked into him. We were so absorbed In each other. From that day forward we spent every day together literally for about two months. When the problems began and they should of been fixed then, me trying more with sex and working out and then being co dissent in myself to do it, but we didn’t. We got lazy. So I just implore those still reading and I know there are younger ones than me on here to please don’t waste ten years this way. Broken and in this state. Pick yourself up, find a way to fix it, just get that drive. That’s why I do want to fix it and also the same reason I want to end it.

Stay or leave. Some couples do stay and work on it and can be better. He said he’s ready to make the changes necessary, new job, that gets rid of the second cell phone, and keeps him home with me, not taking his phone to the bathroom, and the most important, counseling. I just don’t know if it’s better to work on this with someone I love and get along with and look forward to being with and is honestly my best friend, my god my best friend but will always have the memories and trust issues, or spend the next few years of my life at 33 alone and the time it takes if I could even find someone new and start a family, I’ll be so old. I don’t know people, please please offer a broken person some advice, any.