I don’t know where else I can post this without getting judged.

I was raped at 15 by a 20 year old at a party and ever since then, I never enjoyed sex...

Well I’ve never enjoyed sex.

I’ve never really had a good sex life.

I can get myself off but when it comes down to having sex with my husband, I sometimes get bad anxiety and I can’t get into it.

For the first time, I actually had a flashback a few nights ago and it made my husband feel bad. I had a bad panic attack in the middle of sex and i completely forgot who my husband was. I just kept seeing my rapists face. I forgot i was married, forgot who i was even. For the past 10 years, I’ve just gotten medicines shoved down my throat which helped but it masked the problem. I think subconsciously it’s still there.

I just don’t know what to do anymore and I’m sad. I just don’t want my husband to not feel loved because of my problems. He knows what has happened in the past but does anyone have any ideas on what can help? (Other than therapists and medicines because I’ve tried that.)