I’m a FTM and it just seems like my baby has no preference when it comes to her care takers. I was her primary caretaker for 5 months. I had help from my husband but besides that I was on my own with also dealing with what I’m sure of, PPD. I was exhausted all the time, pumping, breastfeeding, she had symptoms of colic and would cry nonstop pretty much all day. She slept well at night waking up once or twice but I had to get up and pump so I still barely slept. When I needed to pump, I felt pressured because I needed to pump and she was crying and I couldn’t manage both. Once I started EBF, life became a little easier and all the crying I did stopped. I think I also felt pressured by everyone, oh breast milk is best, my baby should have rolled by 3 months, baby should be spinning on her tummy by 2-3 months. So I played and played with her all day long with a goal of and trying to get her to roll over. She’s 5 months and has rolled over a max of 5 times. I don’t know why I let others pressure me and when I say others I mean my mom mostly. I laughs with everyone and babbles with just about everyone except me. I try so hard playing and singing and being silly and barely anything. She can sit content on dad’s lap with a toy but not mine. I started work this week. I ran home the first day excited to see her and she barely looked at me. Her dad and my MIL are her primary care takers now and she seems to prefer them over me or anyone over me. She never cries for me. Doesn’t like to snuggle. I breastfeed but she doesn’t care if it’s directly from the source or a bottle. I love her so much but I honestly don’t think she feels the same way about me. Today I came home from work, gave her hugs and kisses and singing to her no smiles my BIL talked to her and she smiled so wide it broke my heart a little. Where was my big smile? I know a lot of you are going to say “of course she loves you” but all the facts point to no. Many of you are going to say that I should talk to a doctor that I may have PPD, but the facts are still she does not show me affection like she does to her dad or to her grandma. Where are my laughs and smiles? It’s not just now she doesn’t prefer me it’s always been like this from the very beginning. Are babies like this? Do they recognize their mothers? Show affection to their moms at 5 months? Please help. I have to wait for my medical insurance to kick back in before I can see my doc which is in exactly 25 days.