I've been dating my boyfriend for 1.5 years. He was such a dream in the beginning and for a long while. Our honeymoon phase was quite a longn stretch. He did everything for me. He was the definition of chivarly. But things started to change. Every time I stated my feelings, he would feel attacked and switch the blame on me. Arguments would feel unresolved. The past couple months, I began being the only one to say sorry first to the point where I started ask for an apology on his end but be left with "I'm not your puppet. You can't just make me apology." I even had to apology for leaving for a trip to my homeland with my family because he felt that I selfishly keep chosing my family over him. But in actuality, all of my friends and family have been worrying about me because I've been constantly MIA with my bf. I am always with him, giving him my time and every time I leave, it is my fault and I am left feeling guilty and apologizing.

And then all these red flags from the past that uses to seem minor started hurling into focus. He only treats me well with action, ex. holding the door, pampering me, etc., he now fails to treat me with respect emotionally. He fails to listen to me. He fails to apologize for his wrongs because to him, there is only one wrong in an argument.

The sad part is that I know he definitely loves me. And I (stupidly I know) still love him so much too. But it's so hard because you can't be with someone purely because you both love each other. They can still fail to love you the way you deserve to be loved, regardless of their clear, strong feelings for you.

I don't even know why I'm writing this anymore. I'm just heartbroken. Extremely with the fact that he felt it was fit for him to flirt with a coworker while I was away just because we were in a fight. So I'm just a mess.

Anyway, I don't know if this will help anyone or maybe just entertain? I just needed an outlet. 😭😭😭😵😵