I’ll try to shorten this: I left my baby’s bio dad when I was 2 months pregnant. That’s another story that’s super long, but yeah my son’s not going near that guy.

I got back with my exhusband. It was the best decision I ever made. I was happy again. We always wanted a family when we were married. He was so excited to be a dad.

I had my dog since I was 12. Had her for 14 years. The day we brought my son home she was limping. Misdiagnosed as arthritis. Turned out, not even two weeks later, she actually developed osteosarcoma and had to be put to sleep. He got me a pillow with pictures of my dog on it so she “can continue to sleep” with me. He had a big heart.

My exhusband and I had a discussion of getting remarried. He loved me and my son. Was a provider. He bought me a ring and showed me the picture of it and laughed and said “you know what it looks like, but not when you’ll get it.” We made plans to take a vacation next month. He was the only person I talked to other than my parents. He was my best friend.

We had been trying to find a house. And were going to start touring them a few weeks ago.

On feb 12, my fiancé passed away. Very unexpected. I already see a therapist and after talking with them, I realized that he was going to officially propose on the day we first got married. The week we were going on vacation. I have hope that I’ll get the ring, but I doubt it if his brother finds it. His brother never liked me.

I’ve just been on autopilot and I don’t like crying around my son. I try to hold it together until he goes to sleep. It’s getting harder and harder to put a fake smile on. I just don’t know what to do. I’m living with my parents, and unable to work, but I have a lot of support. I just don’t know what to do. Every time I’m finally at a point where I’m beyond happy with my life, something really bad happens. And he was the one I loved and the only person I could even open up to and be myself around.

I’m not suicidal, although the thought has tried to cross my mind, I can’t abandon my son. I just feel like I can’t provide for him emotionally like I want because of everything. I just don’t know what to do.