4wPP FTM and I have been feeling really depressed. Writing helps a lot and I have no one else to share this with so I thought I’d post on here:

Holding you in my arms was suppose to make me happy. Placing my lips to your soft, baby hair was suppose to make me calm. Feeling you grab my finger tightly in your tiny fist was suppose to make me realize that I made it in life. But it didn’t. All I feel is panic threatening to strangle me whenever I look at you. Whenever I hear your cries depression hits me harder then it ever has in my entire life. I don’t deserve you, your innocence, your pureness. You’re perfect and I’m ruined. I’ll ruin you just like I do to everything around me. I want you to grow up happy. I want you to thrive in this fucked up world. And you won’t do that with me. I love you so much, from the moment I knew you were in me I loved you. That’s why I know one day I should leave you, but I’m too selfish to do that. Too in love with you to leave.