Should I be offended ?

Question

This man and I have been talking for a few weeks now. He is really charming and straightforward. He tells it like it is and I like it because it makes me trust him more. 
He’s from another culture, he’s Iranian and as I’m sure some of you know, their traditions are really different from ours especially when it comes to family. 
He is super close to them and respects his parents a lot although he has some issues with his dad. He adores his mom and I’m fine with that. The problem is that we were talking about spending time together and he mentioned his place. I know he lives with them, he remodeled the basement so it is like an appartement for himself. However mid conversation, he said we’d get in through the backdoor if ever I come over because he doesn’t want to disrespect his parents. 
Again I understand their culture is different from ours and I didn’t expect him to tell me he was going to introduce me or whatever. I’ve never brought a man home myself because i want to make sure I found the right one before I do it so of course I know it’d take months or years to meet them. It’s gonna be just as much time before he meets my family as well but somehow the idea of sneaking in makes me uncomfortable. 
It makes me feel cheap and somehow not good enough. I know it’s not really rational but am I wrong to feel this way? 
If so how do I fix it? 
Cause I really want to spend more time with him and get intimate and blah blah blah but going over makes me hesitate. 
Help?

Update : I am 20 and he’s 23. He still lives with them because not only it’s cultural but he’s saving to start a business and for now living with them helps

Answer

Sneaking you into his sex dungeon in his parents basement is more disrespectful to them than just introducing you. I’m close with my family, I wouldn’t even get serious with someone unless I knew they clicked with my family.

Answer

You should tell him how uncomfortable it makes you feel. If he's straight forward with you than you should with him also.

Answer

My best friend married into an Arabic family but this is exactly what her and her now husband had to do. It’s literally just cultural differences. If he has an entire basement to himself and it’s like a mini apartment, just go in where he tells you to and go to his safe zone. You need to realize he is risking A LOT (such as being disowned by his father) bringing you there but he clearly trusts you and your worth it to do that for. If he’s upfront, you need to be upfront. If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it. I am telling you right now, this will not be the first thing that comes up that’s probably going to make you uncomfortable. My best friend met her in laws ONCE a year before they got married, kept her daughter a secret, and it was for a dinner. They refused to see her again until her husband married her because she was white. Didn’t even know about her daughter till he proposed. Now I’m not saying you’ll have the same problem but it comes with two cultures clashing. Her husband ended up moving out with her, bought a house with her, and now they are married. 4 years of never knowing his parents and being a half secret just bc it was not worth the fight and his parents would not understand. Tell your man how you feel and go from there!!

Answer

I’ve been with my bf for 3 years.. he is muslim so his culture is very different.. I’m not going to lie.. it is difficult sometimes.. his family know about me and we often video call but they have no idea that we live together.. they live in their country.. if they found out.. it wouldn’t be good for me or him.. it is a very strict religion and it’s up to u if u can deal with it.. if he is the elder son or only son.. then he has to stay with his parents house and his wife has to look after his parents.. don’t get me wrong it isn’t all like this but all my boyfriends have been Muslim nd this is what I’ve experienced. He will have to keep u hidden until he marries u. That’s if u both want to.

Answer

Personally, I feel as though it's disrespectful to sneak you into the basement. I understand him not introducing you to the family but if it were me, I'd prefer him to arrange to get alone time elsewhere and just avoid going there altogether rather than sneaking around like teenagers. The circumstances are understandable but it's just a little demeaning and I'd definitely tell him how I felt if I were you

Answer

How old is he where he's living in his parent's basement. If you can remodel, you can move out and live independently so you don't have to take your dates through the back door. I understand about culture, I've lived overseas since 2002 but this here.....red flags.

Answer

You should tell him how you feel. And you should have an honest conversation about how much family effects his relationships. I am also in an intercultural (also interfaith) relationship so if you ever wanna talk, feel free to message me.

Answer

My hubby and I did this. He was fresh out of a divorce and was living with his sister 5 months later. The only difference is we were serious pretty early on before he moved with his sis but it was still a little weird for me to be introduced and going over. So he snuck me in many times when the sister was at work. I got introduced maybe months later after....at times I felt bad and even pathetic but in my heart I knew it was genuine respect we had to do. And we even told each other that one day we are going to laugh at this, and we do now !! 😂 so I would say give it a chance 😊 but still do tell him how you feel.

Should I be offended ?

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