I'm doing my very best to be positive and treat myself "as if." I go between a kind of zen momma and reading up on must haves for the first trimester to a worry that it's bad juju to indulge too much in that fantasy.

I'm worried, though. I'm fat, over 40 and have never had children. What if I can't do this?

I know it's relatively normal to feel this way but I just needed to tell someone. My husband and I have gotten weepy about it once or twice but I put on the brave face for the few people who know we're trying.