I’m wishing away the time

I find myself consistently wishing away my babies childhood because it’s just so hard and the only way I’m managing to cope is by telling myself that I can’t wait till they are (3 months, 6 months, a year, two years-)

I have two under two and the only person I have to help I cannot rely on and always feel worried for my children.

There are weeks at a time where I don’t leave the house and then when I do leave I feel extra anxiety because it’s been so long I’ve been in the house. It’s my safe space and my prison.

I know one day it will get better but right now it seems like it never will. Every day, every hour is a struggle. I just feel like breaking. Like just driving until I lose control of the car and crash into something hard enough that I’m dead on impact and never have to feel.

The only reason I don’t do this is because I know my kids need their mom.