i have no girl friends, it makes me sad

hi.. im writing this because i am currently overwhelmed with emotions and anxiety. i live in a small town and i had a small group of girl friends that branched off to a bigger group of acquaintances and everything was ok but in early 2018, i stopped being friends with my main friends (2 of them in not so good ways) and they are the type to talk to other people about what happened and now i just feel like everyone hates me.

i also have borderline personality which makes me constantly feel attacked so i can’t tell if its reality or my mind but it feels like everybody hates me & its so tough to make friends. when i try to interact with our mutual acquaintances i feel like its awkward and they hate me cause they know what happened froM THEIR side and they actually constantly hangout with my ex friends still.

i live with my boyfriend and have a close group w his siblings and their friend and his gf but idk sometimes i just feel lonely & i see them posting on social media all the time and it gives me anxiety and make me sad