Dirty little secret 🙈

Today, I placed an order on Adam and eve for my first sex toy ever🙊

I have a bf and I have been trying to respect his wishes about him not liking that kind of thing. I have expressed my needs to him on many occasions. The truth is, he does not put in the effort- foreplay, that I need in order to get off and I am left needing (feening) for more. I understand he is tired from work, but he is not tired enough to get his “nut” and again I am constantly left wanting release. I tell him that I need foreplay and he literally told me that he feels weird doing that. Like come on! This is how women’s bodies work!

So again I tried bringing up the sex toy topic, telling him that it could help us out so he doesn’t do the work and I am ready and close to get off for penetration and boom we both get off! But no, he even told me that he feels like me having a sex toy is kind of like cheating???? I am so lost by that....

Well, today, going against what he says and guiltily pressing the place order button, I purchased not one but ✌️ toys for myself. I am a grown woman and if I want a sex toy then dammit I am getting myself one (or 2 in my case)🙊 with my own money that I worked for.

Honestly though, I still do feel guilty but at the same time liberated. Am I fucked up? ...