In 15 minutes when my husband comes home..

I will be telling him I want a divorce.

We have one daughter and I’m 30 weeks pregnant with a little boy.

I’m currently a stay at home mom and in nursing school. But in his eyes I do nothing. I’m lazy. A bad mom. He calls me ugly and fat. He says he can’t stand me and I’m annoying. That I’m a know it all.

Granted I say mean things back but it’s because I’m hurt and I thought maybe if I say what he says to me he will realize how mean and hurtful it is. But he never does. When I cry he gets even more mean saying I don’t deserve his sympathy.

Everything I say he gets mad at me for. Even if it’s something simple as asking when are you going to sleep? He says I try to act like his mother.

Everyday is different with him. I never know if he will like me that day or if he will treat me like garbage. Idk how to act. I feel hideous. I feel worthless. I feel ashamed.

I try to tell him how I feel but he dismisses it and says I’m just trying to act innocent. I’m not. I know I’m not perfect and I willingly admit that. I just try to let him know that when he says this it makes me sad. He doesn’t care.

I’ve begged for us to get help and see a counselor. But gets mad when I bring it up saying “he doesn’t need to talk to anybody”

I just thought having a neutral person involved could help us calmly discuss and work through our differences. But I think it’s past that.

Too many hurtful things have been said and done and I don’t believe there’s any healing it.

I’m sorry for this long rant. I have no one to talk to or confide in and I’m scared shitless. Im sick to my stomach and nervous. I never ever wanted this for myself or my children but I know staying will only hurt them more.

——-UPDATE——-

First I just want to thank everyone so much for the extremely kind words and encouragement. I read everyone’s comments over and over to help myself.

When he came home I told him that I have been looking into things and think that’s it was best that we get a divorce. I told him that we both are settling and we deserve to happy and so do our children.

Of course he immediately got outraged and just continued to talk over me. I tried to tell him to be civil but it wasn’t working. Eventually he did calm down and he said that he wanted to work things out 🙄 I agreed with him.

I lied. I know it won’t work and the next few days will be nice but he will become mean monster and evil again. He will never change.

In the state we live you have to prove you’ve been separated for 12 months before filing for divorce so I need to play this game smart for my kids.

I’m the meantime I’m going start my own bank account in my daughters name and start stashing money. Like someone said he makes all the cash and has threatened to leave me with zero. This way I can assure my kiddos and I will be okay financially in case we need to get out ASAP.

If you have any other tips please let me know! I want to make sure check every box.

I want to thank everyone again for all the love! I totally wasn’t expecting it but I did and still do need it. ❤️