So I found out I'm expecting a baby girl today.

After all the excitement and girl shopping ended, I was left with this sinking awful feeling.

You see, I was molested before I even hit my teenage years.

It wasn't by a scary stranger or a some monster I didn't know.

It was by my own brother.

Someone I 100% trusted to protect me.

Now I'm carrying a little girl and I'm looking at every single male close to me wondering if I can trust them with her. I trusted my brother. Never expected him to hurt me in the ways he did and afterwards nobody even cut him off. Even to this day everyone I know is in contact with him.

How do I trust anyone to not hurt my little girl?

Also, my fears have only grown since my brother in law told me something concerning about his OWN brother (not my husband though, he has 2 brothers). My husband EASILY dismissed the claim and said his brother was lying on the other. Erggg.

I don't get why he'd lie about something like that about his own flesh and blood. Then after these claims my husband told his brother (the one with claims made against him) that he's gonna be the "God father".

Which makes me so uncomfortable after hearing what his OWN BROTHER SAID ABOUT HIM. 😣

P.S. I KNOW boys can go through this also. I'd be worried for him too if I was expecting a boy, but something about finding out I'm carrying a girl, triggered something in me that I thought I buried a long time ago. Xx.

...

My brother was never molested himself. Wasn't learnt behavior.

He was a drug addict though. Started experimenting really young and to this day is a full blown heroin addict. That sadly has 2 kids himself now with an addicted fiancé. 😕 He never showed remorse for what he did either. He actually admitted to it and said I "wanted it".

My BIL told my husband and I he found a stash of "kids underwear" in the other brothers room.

I think my husband blew it off because the two got into a big blow out before the one accused moved out of the country. He's back now and that's when we were told.

I think being too dismissive isn't a good thing either. It seems like an odd thing to accuse your own brother of no matter how angry you are at them and he just told us, the fight was YEAR ago. So why lie now?

I see why my husband would blow it off though, I watched everyone I loved downplay my abuse. Because "that's family". They can actually see a victim, me, also family. They still choose to keep on touch with my brother though knowing what he did. I could never. But he would like to think his one brother is a liar over one being a sick pervert.

I'm definitely gonna talk to him about the "God Father" bit though because even if they're just claims it makes me so uncomfortable.

Love and support to anyone else that's been a victim. 💕💕