😩 My Birth Control Failed Me


A little back story, I had a beautiful baby girl born on Oct 30th of this last year.. she was born at 30 weeks. I had sever preeclampsia and my doctor decided with as fast as i was going downhill (in 15 hours i swoll up badly and my urine output dropped from 250mL/hr to 12/hr.) That it was time to deliver my beautiful baby girl.. we spent 79 days in the Nicu (the hardest part of my entire life, i still feel like inhave bad nicu ptsd). I am still breastfeeding her so i was put on the minipill for birth control. My doctor told me that was pretty much my best option. Well i knew i was not ready for another baby Anytime soon because not only do i have a preemie on my hands, but she is also very colicky and has acid reflux as well. I hardly get ANY sleep at all and my husband works 12 hour shifts 10 days a week an hour away so its mostly all on me. Also, all of my family lives around 4 hours away and i only have one friend but she works two jobs so i get to see her once a month. Therefore i took my birth control religiously!! Never ever late.

Well ladies.. my body runs like clock work. I started to have periods again 3 weeks after i had my daughter, so in November. I had consistant periods since. Until February.. my period is missing!! 😱.. i take a test because i am super paranoid and its negative.. well it so happens my annual exam came up on March 2 (a week after the pregnancy test) I go and mention my period is still not here. My doctor looks at me and tells me that it happens sometimes with birth control and that i am still breastfeeding so it is very unlikely i can be pregnant. I still feel like i want another test just to ease my mind. My doctor gives me a cup and into the bathroom i go. About 5 minutes later, the doctor calls me back into the room, and... its positive... i am crying my eyes out while looking down at my beautiful preemie asleep in her carseat...so he dipped it again and another positive. So we did bloodwork. That day my HCG levels were only 59 so he told me i could have previously been pregnant and maybe i lost the baby, but he wanted to run another bloodtest 4 days later to see if my HCG goes up..or down..... 4 days later, my levels more than doubled.

Idk how I'm gonna get through this. I know that this baby must really want to be here for some reason considering the birth control, the breastfeeding, oh yeah, and me and my hubby only had sex 1 time in 2 months because we are always way to tired.. im scared. Im very scared. We wanted a second baby, but not like this, not this fast. I feel so bad that im not excited fot this baby. Maybe the excitement will set in later??

Here is my beautiful baby girl form her birth to today