What kind of defense mechanisms do you have in order to protect yourself from being hurt? Where did it all begin for you? Who is to blame? Who hurt you?

Now, I’ve never been a girl who trust easily. My first line of defense is walls so high that there is no way anybody can get through. I then become so cold and distant that there is no way I can get attached or fall for the person. Only problem is that there is no security system that is impenetrable. When you least expect it, someone will knock it down or just simply sneak by a crack. What do you do then? There is no guarantee that you won’t get hurt or that that person was who you needed all along.

I wish I could say that I’m writing this because I had a successful invasion of my fortress of solitude, but I didn’t. I allowed myself to trust and here I am heartbroken.

My lack of trust comes from my family, mostly my father. It is sad to say that the one one man you’re suppose to trust is the one you fear the most.

When you don’t have a male role model in your life, you tend to make poor choices in the men you seek. You think you‘ve found the one, and they just end up being ASSHOLES. It’s happened to me twice now, and I want to blame the men in my life. Now, that doesn’t seems fair. I need to take responsability of the choices I’ve made and move forward.

I knew all along what his intentions were, but I chose to ignore all the alarms trying to warn me. I convinced myself that it was more when it was ovbious it wasn’t. I was a complete fool!

Truth be told, there is no defense mechanism that will protect you from harm. When you get knocked down, you must get up, dust yourself, and move on. You learn from the heartbreak and hope that the next will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

Every life lesson is a gift, and you must embrace it. It is up to you what you make of the heartbreak. Will you let yourself be defeated or will you stand tall and show everybody just what you’re made of?

I’m choosing to stand tall. I will move forward not to show him what he’s missing out on (even though it is satisfying) but for myself. I know my worth and it is a damn shame he couldn’t acknowledge it because now he’ll get to see who I am without him from the sidelines.

The next chapter of my life is about to begin and there is no guarantee that it will be my happily ever after, but I sure as hell intend to be as happy as I can be.

Stay tuned! 🦋