I Ruined My Fuckin Life..

Okay so the best way to start this is talking about my mental health. I suffer from depression like terribly, I used to be medicated but I stopped taking it because I was trying to go to the navy. Well my life started going so fuckin terrible and I started to cut again, I never cut where it would be visible.

Well I did not try to accomplish my dream to join the navy til recently and I was so fuckin embarrassed to be called out about these scars. All because I couldn’t handle the stress of the world but that’s not the end of it.

My family has been watching me so closely since this (they think I’m suicidal again...) so I decided to go on social media and pretend to be happy cause why tf not. I posted a video in a knee length dress, just dancing and playing around. I didn’t realize the dress had rose and my scars were visible because it was hardly noticeable. But this guy I used to talk to noticed and he acted like he cared... It made me remember why I THOUGHT I loved him.

I let him come over and he didn’t just stare at my thighs, he didn’t judge me and ask a million questions. We’ve been messing around and things for a while only for a friend of mine to have his ACTUAL FUCKIN GIRLFRIEND ON SOCIAL MEDIA... I haven’t said anything to her because I do not want to feel like I’m making someone else miserable because I am.

I recently lost my cousin to suicide... and this just completely hurt. Nothing has been going right in a long time and I honestly wish I wasn’t here 90% of the time. I really just need words of encouragement, a prayer or something.