My husband and I got together over running. He pretended to have a mutual love of running and become my running partner. Once we were dating, he came clean about how much he hated running. We joined a gym together and after our separate workouts would lift weights together. Then we had our 1st kid. I liked to incorporate her into my workouts (running to the park, playing in the backyard). Hubby is complete opposite. Three-ish years, we joined a gym with daycare. Lifting really isn’t my thing, (and never has been) I understand it’s important but I will cardio all day everyday if I had a choice over lifting. As my husband never participated in anything physically that I enjoyed, we eventually stopped working out together. Which has been good for him in finding friend.

We got pregnant again but lost the baby. Shortly later found ourselves pregnant again and as you can imagine was for more careful with this pregnancy. More low impact workouts (even though I know exercise has nothing to do with our loss; it’s what I needed mentally). I missed running but carrying a baby to term was more important. My hubby became obsessed with gym in the midst of my pregnancy. Spending 2 hours a day there which combined with his average work day 10 to 12 hour workday doesn’t live him much home time. When he is home is always sore and can only watch TV/movie with our older child. I ensured listening to him talk about running and the gym as it seemed like how he coped with the loss.

The obsession has still continued now that we have two children. I put our children to bed alone every night because he chooses to sleep at that moment (instead of during the day -he works nights). I spend every morning alone with our children (because he chooses to go the gym then) even the weekends. I’m over it. I’m tried of hearing about it. I’m tired of his relentless selfies on IG. All he talks about is how he is excited for me to see him in “prime” condition. I literally could not care less (at this moment) as I tend to our children alone 90% of the time. My daughter does not expect his presence and our son is too young to realize but as he gets bigger I don’t want him to think this is normal husband/father behavior.

I don’t know how to talk about this with him. Three weeks ago, I said it would be nice to have a little self time through out the day. Once he has taken the baby to allow to me use the treadmill. Our daughter also would rather stay with me and play near-ish the treadmill than watch whatever my husband is offering. So yes 20 out 21 treadmill workouts I have had both kids with me while he sits playing on his phone watching TV after spending no less than 2 hours at the gym. I try to be supportive from a distance but I am not there to stroke his ego nor do I care about how much weight he lifted today. Which sounds completely unsupportive but it’s so hard to understand his perspective when everything at home is comes after the gym.

He mentioned to me yesterday that he had been workout consistently for the last 5 months. I could not think of a single positive thing to say as I thought about the things I had to do pregnant, while having a newborn, breastfeeding, and now being back to work. He complains about doing anything social like it’s funny. Our daughter has a birthday party to attend, he doesn’t want to go despite the parents being good friend of ours. I tell him he doesn’t have too. We are having a date night with friends from church - my parents are coming to watch our kids- complaining doesn’t want go. Attractiveness just isn’t physical, bro...