Toxic Father (warning, long post) 😫

My children’s father and I have always had a terrible relationship. I met him when I was 14, he was 18, and obviously I thought it was love. 😂 Fast forward 2 years and we have our son. Thing get pretty shitty after that. He begins to lie, party, cheat, pretty much anything and everything to hurt me. But I loved him, more than I did myself so I stuck around.

It would come in waves. We would be okay for a few months, then he would cheat or begin to act distant. He started to become verbally and emotionally, sometimes even financially, abusive. And not just towards me, but our son, too. Anything from belittling names, to not paying for daycare/diapers. (Forgot to mention I never filed for child support, my son is now 3 and we have a daughter on the way).

Recently, he completely left. With no warning, nothing. He just started pursuing other girls and treating them like his number one priority. As much as I’d like to say I’m not butthurt, I really am. I gave him everything and supported him when I should’ve walked away, and now he’s treating girls better than he’s ever treated me. But, that’s not even the point.

The point is, is that he’s still abusive to my son, he never hits him, but he calls him names and laughs at his misfortunes, screams when my son is distraught and crying and just neglects him even when I’m around. He doesn’t ask to see him, claims his car is broken and has no way to get there (I used to drive 45 mins for him to see his son). I’ve recently decided to go to the county for help, as I’m pregnant with our SECOND child, and I can’t do this by myself. As of right now, he has no rights to his son, he’s only signed the recognition of parentage, which only allows him to go to court to apply for custody. And he might once child support is filed for.

My question is, is how do I make the courts see that he is not a fit parent. I do not want my kids alone with that man, they’re innocent and he only cares about his image, not his kids. The house he currently lives in is smoked in, parties are held there, there are beer cans all over, cigarette ashes, drug residue on the table, marijuana stems in the bathroom and coke is done in my children’s fathers room, the place where my kids sleep. If he was a good dad, I would have no issue with co parenting. But this isn’t the life I wanted for my kids and I’ll be damned if I allow this toxic man to have extended alone time with the two of them.