We found out after our anatomy scan that our beautiful little bean has a heart defect. Nothing was diagnosed I'm waiting on a fetal echocardiogram from a pediatric cardiologist to make an official diagnosis but my doctor did say that a part of the baby's heart is to narrow ( I can't actually remember what he said I was just trying to keep breathing by that point) I have spent the last 2 days just crying and sleeping. I'm so scared for our little bean. We had a miscarriage in June and got pregnant again in November. It took me until 16 weeks and that first kick to let myself think this baby was healthy and that we would get to take it home. My first trimester I was a nervous wreck. I had a few blissful weeks where I believed everything was ok, posting bump pics, looking at baby things, planning a nursery. But now I feel distant from my baby my growing belly is making me feel anxious. There are just so many questions I want answers to I'm terrified to lose this baby this can't be happening. I love this baby so much. I know I should cherish every minute I get with this baby just in case something happens and I do but now everything feels different now. I know modern medicine is amazing and that there is so much they can do for heart babies. All I wanted was a healthy baby I can't stop wondering what caused this. If its something I did if its a chromosomal defect. We were not going to find out the sex but I want to call my doctor Monday and find out I need some good news. I just feel like this is my fault, like something is wrong with me, like a terrible mother for feeling distant from this baby.

***Update***

I have had some time to process and the intial shock has passed. I'm just going to take it day by day and advocate for this little baby. No matter what I'm this baby's Mama and I'm just going to do my best to stay calm and make sure it gets the best care possible. Still waiting to hear from the cardiologist which is hard but I'm doing my best to be positive for my little bean. Thank you ladies for your comments and support it makes a difference.