Weight

A little over a year ago I was obsessed with my weight. I was 17 and weighed 210. I started walking for hours a day and almost stopped eating completely. I ended up losing around 40 lbs and weighed 172 lbs. I felt super good, but I wasn’t happy. I ended up meeting this guy and he made me extremely happy. And what did I do? I gained ALL the weight back and then some. I’m 18 and now weigh 222.8 lbs. I hate myself. I cannot stand how I look. I’m trying to lose the weight again. I’ve almost cut sodas completely out of my diet. I drink about 1-2 a week now. I’ve been eating salads and yogurt instead of snack cakes and ice cream. I’ve started exercising at night. I really want to go to my local gym. I’m just so self conscious and am afraid people will be looking at me the entire time. How do I get over that? I have to do something. I’m so miserable. I just want to feel pretty again. And I know I won’t be extremely skinny. My boobs are a 34E and we’re still that size last year when I lost all the weight. And I have a big butt😂 I know that’s where part of my weight comes from. Does anyone have any tips? I’m sorry for such a long post. I write a lot when I’m upset.