I'll try my best to keep this short..

Me and mother only had each other. After I turned 6, we only had each other. I recently turned 18.

My mother wanted to protect me. She was scared she'd lose me, I think she still is, in some ways.

She told me social media was evil and it was ways for everyone to Snoop on your life. When I posted personal posts as a young teenager my mother hacked into my account, not once, but twice and deactivated my account. It was stuff as minor as sharing (100% clean) memes. I've been terrified to post anything. I'm an adult now, I'm married, I have a child. And yet all I can think is how massive it is to show anything online. Because of that I feel like I've missed out. My Facebook you can scroll through in less than ten minutes. I've have 30 friends on there. I look back and am so sad I never posted photos and stuff because now I have nothing to look back on.

I have a general fear of doing.. almost everything. I'm overly conscious of how loud I talk at all times because you "never know when someone's trying to find dirt to throw on your name". I'm scared to ask for help. I take no risks. I'm scared to tell anyone, ANYTHING about my life and end up just lying and making is seem like I have some cookie cutter life. Because of it, I have no friends.

My in law family is so different. They're out there and confident. They talk about their issues, their preferences. They take chances. For the first time in my life, today I had a snow ball fight. I laughed, I fell over, I yelled out of fun. I sledded down a hill for my first time (I have a horrible and irrational fear of heights). I felt human, I felt real. I loved it. I didn't feel held back by fear and I realize how much I've missed out on, because of it. I wish I had better examples for you guys to understand.

I want to be normal and feel free as a person. Does anyone have any ways or similar situations to feel like my own person? Thank you :)