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I read a good article about why people mix up names, & it essentially says people think in categories for efficiency, so it was probably just a careless mistake. It’s kinda weird that they’ve been apart so long, but I’d try not to read into it too much if this is an isolated incident and he’s apologetic.
Boyfriend of 1 year called me his ex-wife’s name.
No, not during sex. That’d be an instant out for me. But during a conversation, not a fight but I was hurt by something and he was trying to get me to come inside, and he said ‘come on’ and said his ex wife’s name. I’m so hurt and not sure what to do. Part of me feels like it isn’t a big deal and I’m overreacting but the other side of me is thinking it is and should be a big deal and I’m reacting appropriately. He swears he doesn’t think of her and I’m the only one on his mind and he has been over her for a long time (she cheated on him so he divorced her), but it’s hard to accept that as truth when he clearly called me by her name. Can anyone help me come to terms or accept his words as truth? Or is it a big deal and a red flag? I come from a home with zero good relationship examples so it’s hard for me to know what is right and healthy and what I need to walk away from.
They had been married for around 4-5 years I’m guessing and divorced between 6-8 years now. They have 1 son, 12yrs ol, but do not have much interactions with each other except bare minimum (according to what he told me)
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Thank you all for your replies and helpful insights. I feel better and more confident to let this go and keep trying with this relationship.
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To be fair I can’t tell my dogs apart 1/2 the time and they are completely different breeds and sizes. It was probably just a muscle memory thing where he wasn’t thinking
Gi
And also I literally called my choreographer Justin, his name is Phillip. Justin was the choreographer from like 3 years ago and I never even met him because I wasn’t with my show choir then if that helps😊
Je
Haha that’s could be true. I’m an over analyzer as well so between having a history of bad relationships and not knowing when I should and shouldn’t walk away, and that, it’s good to have outside perspective. Thank you!
My husband did the same to me when we were dating. I was pregnant at the time he he used his exes name when referring to me to one of his family members.. but I overheard. I was livid. He was apologetic and explained it was old habits as he was married 23yrs. He’s never made the same mistake again, as I knows I didn’t react well the first time. He’s allowed to make a mistake as long as it’s not repeated. I can’t have him calling me by his ex wife’s name in front of our kids. We’re over it now, and married. I’m pretty sure I’d chop his balls off if he did it again though 😂
Je
Hahaha good to see I’m not the only one who feels like that extreme heat when that happened lol
How long wheee they together ? Do they have kids . Cover some basics for me ?
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No problem! Every one no matter who it is has a time or two where they need help to see clearly! I like to remember ex’s are ex’s for a reason
Je
Thank you for saying that. It helps give me perspective. I’ve never dated someone with a kid before and I think from the sound of it this is his first serious relationship that got to where he introduced a girl to his kid at all. Even though he previously made it sound like he has dated a couple girls since that were long term, so I don’t know exactly. But yea it’s only been once, it hasn’t been a repetitive issue. Thank you, helped me to bring myself back to a realistic perspective!
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Given their history I would not fret or stress that he called you by her name if it was just a one time time thing . It was probably just as awkward for him and was seriously probably expecting it to blow up in his face. Given their history it is a name that is a good part of history and give they have a child a good part of his future regardless of how insignificant it seems. So if you see a future with this man don’t flip out don’t stress just let it be!
Depends how long they were together. I lived with my nephew for 5 years and I was his caretaker most of the day and I would call my boyfriend my nephews name sometimes in accident. It’s something you don’t really think about it’s just your so used to saying that name that it just comes out
Je
I’m hoping it’s more of just a habit thing even tho they’ve been divorced for 6-8 years so I dunno.
I did that to my now-2nd husband. I forgot the entire circumstance, but I was frustrated by something he was doing. I had never said HIS name in the same tone I said my ex's name... I felt horrible, and hubby#2 never mentioned it. It hasn't happened since. In just my experience, I'm not sure about your own, I think it was because that feeling of frustration was reminiscent of how I felt in my previous relationship. I will also say that for the ups and downs, I loved my ex husband and my history with him shaped who I am today. Even though it didn't work out, I have no regrets and I think about him often. Not because I still have feelings for him, but because he was a huge part of my life for 10 years. It just blurted out in that terrible moment. Again, that's just my experience. What i'm trying to say is, I'm sorry you're hurt by your experience. I'm certain your man wasn't trying to be hurtful, and he definitely did not want to utter her name around or at you. I hope my story helps. 🤗
Je
Thank you, it does and I know what you mean. :)
It's just that he has got used to this name whan they were together and it's still in the back of his head somewhere. A stressfull situation or just something where he needs to react fast may stir something in his brain so her name pops up. My mom has been together with her 3rs husband 5 years now but she still sometimes (at home or in conversations with others) says the name of her 2nd husband. It gets kinda weird and I'm sure her husband doesn't like it but she doesn't do it on purpose.
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